Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
