i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
