dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
