Well douche your snatch and let's go!
you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Randomize
