wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Randomize
