I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
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