OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
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