i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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