Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Randomize
