I hate all girls vehemently.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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