I want to have your abortion
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
