there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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