is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
