wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
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I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
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I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
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