you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Randomize
