there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
