my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Randomize
