i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
