Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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