Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
