I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
