ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
