i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
