I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
