I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
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