Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
