I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
