What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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