So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
