It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
