Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
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Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
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And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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