my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
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