you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
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