i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Randomize
