tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
