i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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