I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
