why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
