That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
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