woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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