When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
