Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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