i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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