I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
