oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
