they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
