her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
it was like eating out sand paper
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
