her vagine was all disorganized.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
