i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
