if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
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