I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
