oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
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