i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
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