I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
