Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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