he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
time to smoke my breakfast
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
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