I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
