He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
do nipples grow back?
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
