she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
