you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
