Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Randomize
