Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
