Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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