we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
