Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
