so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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