I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
as a side note pls kill me
He's on the porch naked. Help.
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