I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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