4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
