Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Randomize
