Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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