I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
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