and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
