Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
