i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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