worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
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